Supporting NICU Siblings: 10 Ways to Help Your Other Children Through the Transition Home
The arrival of a new baby is life-changing for any family, but when a baby is born prematurely or with medical complications and spends time in the NICU, the family’s experience becomes even more complex. The focus often shifts to the baby’s health and recovery, which, while crucial, can sometimes inadvertently overshadow the needs of their siblings.
As parents and caregivers, it’s essential to recognize and address these needs to help siblings adjust and thrive. Try these tips to support siblings of NICU babies throughout your family’s transition.
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Children have a keen sense of their family dynamics, even if they don’t fully understand them. Siblings of NICU babies might experience a range of emotions, including confusion, jealousy, fear, and even guilt. It’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings rather than dismissing them.
How to Help:
Open Communication: Create a safe space for siblings to express their emotions. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and listen actively without judgment.
Validate Their Emotions: Let them know that it’s okay to feel the way they do and that their feelings are normal and valid.
2. Provide Age-Appropriate Explanations
Depending on their age, siblings may have different levels of understanding about the situation. Tailor explanations to their developmental stage to help them make sense of what’s happening.
How to Help:
Use Simple Language: For younger children, simple explanations like “Your new brother/sister needed extra help to grow strong” can be effective.
Storybooks: Consider reading age-appropriate books about new siblings or hospital stays to help them grasp the situation better.
💙 Paige Pedroli, wife and NICU Mom was inspired to write this book after both of her beautiful daughters ended up in the NICU. Welcome to the NIC-Zoo is the perfect keepsake for parents to read to their little ones in the NICU and beyond. A rhyming story a young child can understand, this book is a message of hope for NICU families, and reminds us all that every baby is a miracle.
💙 Ashley O’Neil is a devoted advocate, author, and podcast host dedicated to supporting NICU families and those experiencing loss. Her children’s book, It's a NICU World, introduces us to K.O., a special little boy who was born way too early. The NICU can be a scary place but K.O. conquers it with the love of his parents and the expertise of the staff.
💙 Ali Dunn, NICU mom of identical twins born at 28 weeks, is the founder of Me Two Books and author of a few books that are helpful in explaining the NICU to children, you can find them here. Ali was also a guest on the NICU Alumni Podcast and shares a heartfelt Welcome Home Letter on our website.
💙 Jennifer Degl, NICU Mom, advocate, and author, has written a children’s book about the NICU experience that may also be helpful for siblings: I Was Small But Now I’m Tall. Jennifer shared about her experience on the NICU Alumni podcast as well, and you can listen to that interview here.
(We at NICU Alumni are not compensated in any way by sharing these resources.)
3. Involve Them in the Process
Including siblings in the care process can help them feel more connected to their new brother or sister and alleviate feelings of being left out.
How to Help:
Routine Participation: Allow siblings to participate in routines such as helping with feedings or diaper changes in a safe and supervised manner.
Special Roles: Assign them a special role, such as helping choose clothes for the new baby or decorating the nursery.
4. Maintain Routine and Stability
The NICU experience can disrupt family routines, and the homecoming of a NICU baby can further shake things up. Maintaining as much routine and stability as possible helps siblings feel secure (and helps so that eventually the whole family can find a rhythm together).
How to Help:
Consistent Schedules: Keep mealtimes, bedtimes, and other daily routines consistent to provide a sense of normalcy.
Quality Time: Set aside specific times for individual attention with each sibling to reinforce their importance in the family.
5. Foster Positive Interactions
Encouraging positive interactions between siblings can help build a bond and alleviate any initial tension or jealousy.
How to Help:
Gentle Introductions: When introducing the NICU baby to siblings, do so in a calm and controlled manner. Let siblings approach the baby at their own pace.
"Would you like to say hi to your new baby brother/sister?"
"You can touch their hand gently when you're ready."
"It's okay to watch quietly from here if you're not ready yet."
Positive Reinforcement: Praise and encourage positive interactions.
"You're being such a great big sibling by being gentle!"
"I love how you talked softly to the baby; that makes them feel safe."
"Thank you for helping me with the baby. You're such a wonderful helper."
Redirecting Behavior: Gently redirect any negative behavior or feelings.
"I see you're feeling upset right now. How about we take a deep breath together?"
"Let's find another way to express how you're feeling, maybe by drawing or talking about it."
6. Offer Reassurance
Siblings might worry about their own place in the family or the well-being of the new baby. Reassuring them about their importance and the baby’s progress can help alleviate anxiety.
How to Help:
Regular Updates: Share updates about the NICU baby’s progress in a reassuring way, emphasizing the positive developments.
Reaffirm Their Role: Regularly remind siblings of their valued place in the family and reassure them of your love and attention.
7. Provide Emotional Support
Siblings of NICU babies may experience a range of emotions and may need additional emotional support.
How to Help:
Professional Help: If a sibling seems particularly distressed or is having trouble adjusting, consider seeking the help of a child psychologist or counselor.
Support Groups: Look for local or online support groups for siblings of NICU babies where they can connect with others who have similar experiences.
8. Encourage Expression Through Creative Outlets
Creative outlets can help siblings process their feelings and express themselves in healthy ways.
How to Help:
Art and Play: Encourage drawing, painting, or imaginative play to help siblings express their feelings.
Journaling: For older children, journaling their thoughts and emotions can be a therapeutic way to cope with their feelings.
9. Educate Them About the NICU
Understanding more about what the NICU is and why their new brother or sister needed to be there can help siblings feel more involved and less frightened.
How to Help:
Simple Reminders: When your child asks questions, gently remind them how the NICU helped their sibling. These can be short, age-appropriate answers to satisfy curiosity, or lead to deeper conversations as they grow.
Information Resources: Provide age-appropriate resources or educational materials about neonatal care and medical conditions. (Take a look at the books we shared in #2 above)
10. Celebrate the Small Wins
At NICU Alumni, we’re all about celebrating milestones, big or small! Celebrating milestones and small victories in the NICU baby’s development can help siblings feel positive about the situation.
How to Help:
Family Celebrations: Celebrate the NICU baby’s achievements, no matter how small, and include siblings in these celebrations to foster a sense of family unity.
Personal Achievements: Also recognize and celebrate siblings’ achievements to reinforce their importance and boost their self-esteem.
Supporting siblings of NICU babies requires a thoughtful and compassionate approach that embraces their emotions, needs, and unique stages of development. By recognizing their feelings, involving them in the care process, keeping routines consistent, and offering emotional reassurance, parents and caregivers can help siblings feel secure and valued during this transition.
Remember, while your NICU baby’s care is essential, the well-being of all family members - including siblings - is just as important for creating a loving, supportive, and connected home. With patience, love, and care, you’re helping siblings feel secure, connected, and seen… every step of the way.